put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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