Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
