Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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