i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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