dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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