the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need a beard to bite.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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