His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Come on in and take your pants off
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