Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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