i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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