About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize