There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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