just come out here and I will go home with you...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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