We had to coat check the pizza.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
