Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
