wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
