i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
