if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
