The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
