Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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