I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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