Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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