Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
