I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
