She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
