i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize