why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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