are you still at the devil's house?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
