I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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