Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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