The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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