i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
