Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
