do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
