Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
