Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
