So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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