I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
