I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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