i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
