No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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