the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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