my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
