No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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