she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
