I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
