Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Two words: blizzard sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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