I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
