I bet he comes in French.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
