oh god the rape fog is back!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
