brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
