So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
