im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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