Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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