Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
