Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
