Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize