she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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