i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
