Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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