this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
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Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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