whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
