Just fell off a train. Bad.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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